He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
