shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
