wat bout pragnant strippers??
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
