how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I enjoy the company of your penis
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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