He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
