I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
