I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
