She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
