all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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