Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
