that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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