I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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