im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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