So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
