So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
