I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
