There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
