Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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