i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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