pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
