I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
