i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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