So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
