Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
