it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
