Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
