he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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