Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I need help removing her.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
