were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Someone came in the potted fern
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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