Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
