What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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