So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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