Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
