When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
