How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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