I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
