i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
