i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
