Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
