addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
