Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
