I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
