and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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