I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
