I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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