I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Randomize
