Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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