i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
