I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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