there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
