Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
Randomize
