I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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