The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
