I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
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