i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
