Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
