I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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