My room smells like vodka and shame
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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