I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
